Can Emmett do this? NO HE CAN'T!
by twilightfan0720
Summary: 51 things Emmet can't do!
1. Chapter 1

51 Things Emmett Is _**NOT**_ Allowed To do

_1. Do not tell Jasper he has problems adjusting due to the fact that he must be aggressive because he fought in wars._

_2. Don't walk up to Carlisle and say 'looking good pops. Or as good as you'll ever look!'_

_3. Don't hide in Edwards closet then jump out 5 seconds before he is going to open it then tell him the tiny voices of elves inside his head told him to do it._

_4. Please do not vandalize Esme's Garden then tell her Carlisle said it was horrible. Then tell me that a ground hog named Bella told you to._

_5. Please stop saying that Jasper likes his women chunky and that is why he loves Alice._

_6. Stop telling Bella that Edward has died a horrible death then laugh when she starts to cry._

_7. Stop singing music and stuff when something dramatic happens then say 'I come with my own back ground music.'_

_8. Prank call Aro._

_9. Tell Edward Bella ran off with the mutt._

_10. Shout "I thought we were together" when Bella kisses Edward_

_11._ _And run out of the house saying "Bella was my love"_

_12. __Tell Paul, Quill, Seth, and Embry to play fetch with you_

_13. __Call Esme a carpenter_

_14. Call Alice "Tinkerbell"_

_15. Call Jasper gay_

_16. Call Edward "Edward Scissor hands"_

_17. Call Edward:ED-WEIRDO_

_18. Just call everyone by their name unless they say other wise!_

_19. Steal Charlie's police cruiser, and go around Forks arresting people._

_20. Cook._

_21. Congratulate Jessica about her pregnancy, and how he wants to be the Godfather of the bouncing baby boy._

_22. Congratulate Mike about his pregnancy, and ask how he accomplished getting pregnant in the first place._

_23. Paint the house pink_

_24. He can not glue union flags to Jaspers stuff._

_25. Crash Edwards Volvo._

_26. Steal items to "fix" them_

_27. Make fun of Bella_

_28. Cut up Alice's clothes and burn them, cancel her credit cards, and blame it on Edward_

_29. Act very girly around Jasper_

_30. Call Carlisle pops or gramps_

_31. Write a book for little kids_

_32. Teach history class_

_33. Ask for a star every time he gets an answer correct_

_34. Tell Rosalie she looks fat_

_35. Wear Alice's clothes to school for a week_

_36. Tell Bella that Edward went to Italy_

_37. Tell Bella that Edward is marrying Tanya instead of her_

_38. Hit a baseball through the big glass window and blame it on Jasper_

_39. Steal all of Edward's music and replace it with N'Sync and Backstreet Boys_

_40. Claim everyday is April Fool's Day_

_41. Fly a U.S. military plane without permission_

_42. Sneak into the White House and steal the president to play chess with him_

_43. __Visit the hospital dressed as the grim reaper_

_44. Run along the border tuanting Jacob to see if he'll attack you_

_45. Call Jacob the family pet_

_46. Dye Jacob's hair._

_47. __Call Mike Newton Golden Retriever._

_48. __Ask Jessica and Lauren if they inspired Pink to write Stupid Girls._

_49. __Ask Lauren if she really thinks that she does gone be a __famous model with that ugly face._

_50. __Say that you Bring the Sexy Back._

_51. __Ask Renne if she wants to adopt us. Then when she says no ask her if its becuase she thinks your fat and ugly._

**AN- Ok so i'm finsished with the list i might do another chapter where the Cullen family+ Jacob comment on the things written but AI'm not sure tell me If i should do it! PLZ?**


	2. Chapter 2

51 Things Emmett Is _**NOT**_ Allowed To do

"Done" Alice said looking very proud of the list. "Wait until Emmet sees this" Rosalie said before slapping it down on the confrence table and calling Emmett downstairs. He came running down the steps mere seconds later and scowled when he saw the list and our smug faces. "Rosalie" he whined. "Sit" she commanded he plopped down in one of the seats arms crossed like a four year old who had been told he couldn't have candy.

_1. Do not tell Jasper he has problems adjusting due to the fact that he must be aggressive because he fought in wars._

Emmett- You fought in the civil war you Confederate how can you be so sensitive!

Jasper- Shut up at least no one wrote a list of things I can't do.

Alice- Moving on

_2. Don't walk up to Carlisle and say 'looking good pops. Or as good as you'll ever look!'_

Emmett- I can't help it if he's old!

Bella- How old are you Emmett?

Emmett- Thats diffrent

Edward- Keep telling yourself that

_3. Don't hide in Edwards closet then jump out 5 seconds before he is going to open it then tell him the tiny voices of elves inside his head told him to do it._

Emmett- But they did. *Scream* get them out of my head!

Edward- Your trying to make your thoughts sound like elves vioces Emmett really are you that pathetic?

_4. Please do not vandalize Esme's Garden then tell her Carlisle said it was horrible. Then tell me that a ground hog named Bella told you to._

Bella- Is he talking about me !

Rosalie- No he really named a groundhog Bella

Emmett- It was when Eddie made us leave and I missed my little sis

Rosalie- Emmett if its from way back then how come you did this just last week?

Emmett- I plead the fifth

_5. Please stop saying that Jasper likes his women chunky and that is why he loves Alice._

Alice- If anyone's fat its you Emmett McCarthy Cullen

Jasper- We know Alice we know

_6. Stop telling Bella that Edward has died a horrible death then laugh when she starts to cry._

Alice- You cried?

Bella- *shrugs* I was a hormonal human

_7. Stop singing music and stuff when something dramatic happens then say 'I come with my own back ground music.'_

Carlisle- Theres one deal I didn't want

Emmett- I thought you loved me! *sob*

Rosalie- *eye roll* you can't cry idiot

_8. Prank call Aro._

Emmett- dun dun tun dun

Everyone- Emmett!

Emmett- I come with my own background music!

_9. Tell Edward Bella ran off with the mutt._

Nessie- MOM!

Bella- I didn't!

_10. Shout "I thought we were together" when Bella kisses Edward_

Rosalie- If you ever do that again I'm leaving you

Emmett- but its funny

Bella- no its not it confuses people!

_11._ _And run out of the house saying "Bella was my love"_

Bella- Em you do know Rose is sitting right there right?

Emmett- Yes Bella I'm not stupid

_12. __Tell Paul, Quill, Seth, and Embry to play fetch with you_

Jacob- Leech

Emmett- The dog talked. I HAVE A TALKING DOG!

_13. __Call Esme a carpenter_

Esme- I don't really mind...

Emmett- see Esme's such a cool mommy

_14. Call Alice "Tinkerbell"_

Alice- I AM NOT A FAIRY OR A PIXIE! I AM A VAMPIRE

Emmett- Where are your fangs then? Hmm?

_15. Call Jasper gay_

Emmett- He feel your emotions for gods sake!

_16. Call Edward "Edward Scissor hands"_

Emmett- Your right i like ED-WEIRDO better!

_17. Call Edward:ED-WEIRDO_

Edward- If anyones wierd it Emmett I think he should have gone to the asylum instead of Alice

_18. Just call everyone by their name unless they say other wise!_

Emmett- If you say so...

_19. Steal Charlie's police cruiser, and go around Forks arresting people._

Bella- Unless its Mike Newton we could make an exception then

Esme- Bella!

_20. Cook._

Bella- YOU ALMOST POSIONED ME THAT TIME!

_21. Congratulate Jessica about her pregnancy, and how he wants to be the Godfather of the bouncing baby boy._

Emmett- FOR ALL WE KNOW SHE IS PREGNANT!

_22. Congratulate Mike about his pregnancy, and ask how he accomplished getting pregnant in the first place._

Emmett- I just wanted to know!

_23. Paint the house pink_

Esme- IT DIDN'T GO WITH THE FURNITURE

_24. He can not glue union flags to Jaspers stuff._

Jasper- If you weren't my brother I would've killed you

_25. Crash Edwards Volvo._

Edward- This one is self explanitory

Emmett- When did I do this?

Bella- Last week

Emmett- Sh he dosen't need to know!

_26. Steal items to "fix" them_

Jasper- Remember when he stole those planes and they crashed into the twin towers

Bella- BUT THEY BLAMED THE TERRORISTS

Rosalie- Ya I know we had to bribe them ALOT to get out of that one

_27. Make fun of Bella_

Bella- NO COMMENT

_28. Cut up Alice's clothes and burn them, cancel her credit cards, and blame it on Edward_

Alice- THAT WAS YOU I CRASHED HIS VANQUISH FOR THAT!

_29. Act very girly around Jasper_

Jasper- It makes me uncomfortable

_30. Call Carlisle pops or gramps_

Nessie- But you are a grampa!

_31. Write a book for little kids_

Bella- wow...

_32. Teach history class_

Jasper- YOU WOULD RUIN THE NAME OF THE CONFEDERATES

_33. Ask for a star every time he gets an answer correct_

Jasper- His Bioligy teacher sent him back to kindergarten for that one!

_34. Tell Rosalie she looks fat_

Rosalie- YOUR SO LUCKY I HAVEN'T LEFT YOU YET!

_35. Wear Alice's clothes to school for a week_

Alice- I am forver scarred

_36. Tell Bella that Edward went to Italy_

Emmett- BUT HE DID!

_37. Tell Bella that Edward is marrying Tanya instead of her_

Bella- Were already married em!

_38. Hit a baseball through the big glass window and blame it on Jasper_

Edward- Everyone knew you were lying

_39. Steal all of Edward's music and replace it with N'Sync and Backstreet Boys_

Bella- It can't be THAT bad

_40. Claim everyday is April Fool's Day_

Emmett- Wha a wonderful world it would be!

_41. Fly a U.S. military plane without permission_

_42. Sneak into the White House and steal the president to play chess with him_

_Bella- WHY?_

Emmett- Cuz I was bored

_43. __Visit the hospital dressed as the grim reaper_

Bella- again unless its Newton

_44. Run along the border tuanting Jacob to see if he'll attack you_

Nessie- You wouldn't would you?

Jacob- We'll see next time he does it

Emmett- Looks like I have plans tonight sorry Rosie

_45. Call Jacob the family pet_

Jacob- IDIOT!

Emmet- THE DOG SPEAKS AGAIN

_46. Dye Jacob's hair._

Emmett- But what if

Esme- NO!

_47. __Call Mike Newton Golden Retriever._

Bella- ITS NOT LIKE ANYONE CARES!

_48. __Ask Jessica and Lauren if they inspired Pink to write Stupid Girls._

Emmett- BUT THEY WERE MEAN TO MY LITTLE SIS!

_49. __Ask Lauren if she really thinks that she does gone be a __famous model with that ugly face._

Edward- I think we should esrease this one...

_50. __Say that you Bring the Sexy Back._

Emmeett- ITS TRUE

_51. __Ask Renne if she wants to adopt us. Then when she says no ask her if its becuase she thinks your fat and ugly._

Alice- Your the only ugly one Emmett!


End file.
